new life

I've spent the last 2 weeks thinking I'm pregnant. And then being sure I'm not. And then sure I am.

But now I'm not.

And I really don't know how I feel. About it. At all.

Like, I know eventually Bob and I will have children. But I like our lives now. And I really enjoy my job. I don't want to give it up, especially since we're just returning to the city.

Bob says he could stay home, and I could work. But I'm pretty sure his body won't make nourishment for the child.

So I don't know. I feel stuck, as a female. I feel like in this world, my role in the family is already decided for me. I have to give up my body, my life, my career to have a family. And it doesn't seem fair.

I believe that in our lifetime, we live a many number of lives. And I like the life I'm living now. In previous lives I was a daughter, a student, a girlfriend, and each previous life lead & grew into the next. But the life I'm currently living, of being a young wife but also independent woman, is where I want to be right now. I'm not ready to move on to my next me.